Sexually Confused

    Being an Asian and sexually confused. 

The truth is, I know I love ze DICK but then again I've had a fair share of moments where I'd think 

" Do I like ze pussy too? "

    My teenage years have been filled watching gay shows and I have to admit, I love it. Shows like Queer As Folk, The L Word, Shameless and the list goes on. I've watched all these American-based television shows and you must be thinking where in the hell is she watching all these shows, I watch them online. Since the damned internet showed up in my life, I've never watched TV again. Malaysian TV sucks. Coming back to point, after watching all these shows it always got me thinking that being gay is really interesting.

You know you always had that someone who complains that you sit on the computer all day long doing nothing but ruining your eyes and wasting time? I didn't have A person, I've had PEOPLE, especially my mom. But her statements are not all that true though. I've studied online and finish my assignments online, so her argument is invalid. Did you ever read about the pros and cons about being on the net very long? Like for example;

- A person can become anti-social

- Teens are out in the open to sexual predators 

- Being exposed to pornography

Well those are the main three that I can think of right now, but you get the picture. But I've never heard anyone say 

" Don't be on the internet too long or you'll turn gay".

I'm not saying that I've turned gay just by watching gay shows, I'm merely just confused. The show that I'm into right now is The L Word that's starring all these beautiful ladies, but one in particular has seriously gained my interest. Katherine Moennig known as Shane Mccutcheon on the show. 

She's B-E-A-U-TIFUL.

I have so many pretty friends and I'm not attracted to them. At all. Just her. Why? I wish I knew. People say she looks boyish. I say fuck that, she looks really beautiful. I've never had a celebrity crush on a women before and I've been watching The L Word for a long time now. Two years to be exact. There's just something about her and her character on the show that has caught my eye. I'd say I'm in love with her. Who wouldn't be?

GAHH

If there are girls like her in Malaysia, I think I'd seriously turn gay. No doubt. It's a turn on. But I don't know. I know for a fact that when girls watch guys kissing, they get turned on. I know because I get turned on too. But when girls see other girls kissing, bitches be like EWW. Not me though. It's a turn on too. 

I MIGHT be bisexual. 

I like girls. But never to an extent of wanting to take their clothes off. Made out with a couple of girls too. It was intense. VERY intense. And I swear I liked it. No they weren't my friends, they were girls I just knew.

 I would say that I have a little experience. I'd like to do more shit though. And I'm pretty sure there are other sexually confused ladies out there that are willing to experiment just like me. But then again. I still like ze DICK. So I think I'm bisexual. I mean, I think I've know for a while now that I'm kind of into girls but now I know for a fact that I am bisexual. And no, I'm not ashamed of it. Why would I be? BUT hey, just because I say I'm also into girls, I don't mean all girls. I have my preferences too. Just like how guys like certain kinds of women. 

* Insert cheesy line*

COURSE I think every women is beautiful.  It's just a personal preference thing.

After writing all of this, I'd say I know what I'm now. I am a bisexual who is still confused and inexperienced. I'm young, I'll try to experiment soon. And I might just write about it.

 ;)

Dead End Fantasies

   Everytime I try to  sleep, there's always this brick wall between me and Slumberland. So what I usually do is, I'd fantasize about people. People that I've met on that day or even people from the internet. I fantasize about having relationships with them and if that doesn't make me fall asleep, I'd fantasize more intensely. Example, I  currently have a boyfriend - in LaLa Land of course - his name is Liam ( no, not Liam from One Direction ).

    

   Liam is this tall, dark haired, light skinned, handsome guy that I've conjured up and I gotta admit, HE IS HOT ( well, at least I think he's handsome ) . The thing is, I have no idea who he is. I've never seen, met or heard of him before, he just showed up.. If that makes any sense. He came to me in a dream, I wasn't really fantasizing him. I guess I just dreamt of him. From what I could remember, we met in high school and we fell in love ( typical love story ). But nothing about me has changed in the dream though. I was short, fat and just plain not-so-pretty, and Liam found me. Which was weird and I guess that's why it's called dreaming. I could have sworn I've seen him somewhere but i just can't put my finger on who the fuck he is. I'd toss and turn hoping I'd remember his face again and when i fall asleep, there he is... just waiting for the dream to continue where it left of. WHAT THE FUCK BRAIN?!

Ok anyways, has this happen to someone else? I mean it can't be just me right? The brain is an asshole and my memory just plain hates my guts. That is the only excuse I can come up with for now. I'd love to share the fantasies I've had but that shall be in another part in my blog later on :) 

Who the fuck am I even talking to..........  

Reread

    I've been really occupied lately..... WHO AM I KIDDING? I've been lazing around the house doing absolutely squat but I've never really found the time to come back here and post things for my fellow people ( there are no people) and today was the day that I thought I should start writing again. I've reread all my older post and I thought to myself  DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN! Rereading all my stupid shenanigans made me want to kill myself. Have you ever had that feeling when you check your diary from long ago and then you realize how stupid you've been? EXACTO feeling. 

I. WAS. A. RETARD.

Since I'm back, I might as well fill whoever is reading in about the things I'm going to try and write about;
1 - Teenage Rubbish
2 - Rubbish
3 - Dramatic Rubbish
4 - Releasing Anger Rubbish
5 - Family Rubbish
6 - Friends Rubbish
7 - Stupid Rubbish
8 - Fiction Stories
9 - Fantasies Rubbish
anddddd
10 - ULTIMATE RANTING RUBBISH.

I think that would be all. I might be writing every day or I might not even write. But for now I'll write every day.

WARNING : Insults, vulgarity and probably explicit content will ensue on this blog so if you don't like it, I suggest you EXIT now. Thank you.